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That was all she ever said.

That's why Walker could not stop reading the letters.

By no means are they extraordinary. They are not unlike others written by American service members from Vietnam — and now from Iraq and Afghanistan.

But for the first time, Walker began to understand the man in the Marine uniform. He revealed his fears about confronting an unseen enemy and how much he missed home.

April 10, 1967: "We got one of our men killed and 5 wounded. I have never had so many rounds hitting me. I have not calmed down yet, I was so scared. We just had them trapped and they were fighting back. It was the first time I had got that close to a V.C. where I used my rifle to hit a V.C. There you really know how close you are to death. It is there also that you know you have actually had to kill and it is not a very good feeling."

Tommy Holtzclaw sent this particular letter to the parents of his best friend, Pat Hogan, who shared with Walker the mail his family received.

"After all these years," Hogan wrote to Walker, "I still miss him."

Hogan, now 60 and working two part-time jobs on Topsail Island, N.C., said his friend's Vietnam experience helped shape his own views on war and killing. He, too, did a tour of Vietnam, two years after Holtzclaw was gunned down.

"You start with believing in what you do," Hogan said. "In the end, all you want to do is go home."

He said he sent Holtzclaw's letters to Walker because he believes the book can be a healing experience — not just for his friend's family but for every family scathed by war.

Walker said she can never again watch a news report about an American war death without feeling grief for loved ones left behind.

She is glad she unearthed the essence of her uncle. And relieved that after 40 years, Tommy J. Holtzclaw's name is no longer taboo.

She and her sister hope the book "will bring closure" to all those who knew their uncle.

"It's almost like they wanted us to find them," Hughes, 44, said of the boxed-up belongings and the family who kept them a secret.

It's almost like Tommy J. Holtzclaw has finally come home.